It's called the American electorate.

Since 1968 Republicans have won 70% of presidential elections.

No democratic presidential candidate has earned 50% of the popular
vote since 1976.

The only democratic president since 1980 campaigned on a conservative
agenda (tax cuts, free trade, ending welfare) and notably signed into
law seven of the ten items in Newt Gingrich's Contract With America.
In fact, it was this president's only genuine legacy. Besides being
convicted of lying and being impeached, that is.

Republicans have now won six consecutive House elections and have
increased their seat total in the last three.

Republicans have controlled the Senate for over a decade and have
added to their seat total in the last two election cycles (adding four
more last week).

Republicans have a held majority of state governorships for over ten
years, including governors in the two biggest "blue" states, AND...

Republicans hold the majority of state legislatures.

So you leftists' just keep tellin' yerselves that you matter
politically...

The American people will just keep tellin' ya you don't.

Enjoy the next four years.

pyjamarama recounted:

Since 1968 Republicans have won 70% of presidential elections.

Republicans have now won six consecutive House elections...

Republicans have controlled the Senate for over a decade...

Republicans have a held majority of state governorships for over ten
years, including governors in the two biggest "blue" states, AND...

Republicans hold the majority of state legislatures.

So you leftists' just keep tellin' yerselves that you matter
politically...

And the icing on the cake (besides Little Tommy Daschle's defeat)
was that we managed to steal another presidential election!


GeoSynch

http://www.imao.us/archives/002338.html
November 11, 2004
Dude, Where's My Votes?
Man, I was so happy with our win, but then I found out that places like Democratic Underground are
arguing that Bush stole the election once again. What? But what about all those votes? Well, Wikipedia
even has a page up about how the election was stolen with charts and everything. Is something up?
Well, I contacted my local wing of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy who patched me into the national arm
of the VRWC. Then I got to talk to two people I shall refer to as Hacker1 and Hacker2. Here is the
conversation:

Frank: So, did we steal the election this time?

Hacker1: Yeah, totally. We like rigged all the machines so there was no way we could lose.

Frank: Why didn't you tell me we had it in the bag? I was like totally worried about this election!

Hacker2: Sorry, dude, but we were like told not to spread it around too much.

Hacker1: Yeah, we needed everyone to act like it was close and worrisome so no one would know we like
totally hacked it. That Karl Rove is smart, dude; he knows how to run things.

Hacker2: Yeah, Rove is totally evil and totally cool.

Frank: So did you hack voting everywhere?

Hacker1: Yeah, otherwise it would look weird if we only improved in the battleground states.

Hacker2: Rove was completely in charge of all that. He even came in last minute and said, "Give them
New Hampshire," and we were like, "Whatever."

Frank: So was it hard hacking the vote?

Hacker1: Sorta, but Diebold gave us easy to follow instructions.

Hacker2: We totally owned all the votes.

Hacker1: Totally.

Hacker2: It was funny to see the Democrats try and cheat the old-fashioned way. They can bring in all
the dead people they want to vote, but we'll just change their votes to Republican in the end.

Hacker1: (laughs) I bet you didn't know this, but Michael Moore voted for Bush.

Hacker2: (laughs) He doesn't know it either.

Frank: But aren't people going to find out about this eventually?

Hacker1: Not if we're careful, dude.

Hacker2: First off, we're not going to hand out many landslides. It's going to be a bunch of real
close ones so we can say to the Democrats, "Oh, that was so close. You really should try again."

Hacker1: (laughs) We're going to drive them nuts.

Hacker2: Anyway, the VRWC will save money in the future as we cut back on commercials and campaign
appearances, but Rove will make sure we don't cut back so much that it looks suspicious.

Frank: Except to the Democratic Underground.

Hacker1: Yeah, there's no fooling those guys. They're on top of everything. Luckily, Rove had a plan
for them too.

Hacker2: What he did was get all these mental patients - total schizos - and brainwash them about how
evil the Republicans are. Then he gave them internet connections.

Hacker1: Now the schizos that Rove planted totally rule the Democratic Underground discussion forum.
They're the most prolific posters. Instead of getting anywhere on all the evil plans we have, they
waste time blaming a Democrat event being rained out on Karl Rove.

Hacker2: Which is stupid because our weather machine is only 60% complete.

Frank: What about bloggers talking about voting malfeasance?

Hacker1: Dude, Rove totally owns the blogosphere. Most of the popular bloggers write only what Rove
tells them.

Frank: Like who?

Hacker1: Well, Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs, half the people at the Volokh Conspiracy,
and Scott Ott of Scrappleface.

Frank: I knew it!

Hacker2: The phrase "Axis of Weasels" was all Rove's idea.

Frank: So he controls the bloggers to combat the left-wing blogs like the DailyKos?

(both hackers laugh)

Hacker1: Dude, Rove personally writes DailyKos.

Hacker2: Yeah, he wants to control what the left are whining about.

Frank: Whoa! That Rove is one sinister, evil dude!

Hacker2: Totally.

Frank: Hey, has Rove ever mentioned my site?

Hacker1: Uh... yeah, once. He asked me, "What's this site 'IMAO'?" And I told him, "Remember, it's the
one with the moon exploding." And he said, "Oh yeah, it's the stupid site about the angry dog."

Frank: Cool! He knows my site! So, back to the main subject, what's in the future of voting now that
we own it?

Hacker1: We'll only keep fixing elections for so long. Eventually we'll dissolve the Democratic party
and turn the U.S. into a one-party ruled dictatorship.

Hacker2: That's Rove's long-term plans.

Frank: Neato. Well, thanks for talking to me.

Hacker1: You're not going to publish this, are you?

Frank: Uh... well... er... uh... no.