[George M. Middius[_4_]]

I have in front of me a report detailing tests performed on Stephen McElroy.
After your complaint, the Resistance had him tested for sliminess. We
certainly don't want a slimy individual soiling our ranks. Anyway, the
sliminess test was completely negative.

As a side note, your own most recent assay, from 2003 if I recall, revealed
your fecal content to be 98%. Have you started leaving brown smudges on the
furniture or brown trails on the ground? You might want to consider a
head-to-toe swathing in TP, just in case you start oozing.