In a Nikon photography list there was a thread about the proper
pronunciation of the name 'Nikon'. Someone posted the below and I thought
some of you might enjoy.
--
John L Rice


Euro English

Enjoy your English while you can..... The European Commission has just
announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of
the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year
phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make
words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze world!!

This is an adaptation of a piece written by George Bernard Shaw about 100
years ago. It was funny then, too

This being the Internet, however, I expect a vast number of people to fail
to see that it is a joke.

"John L Rice" wrote in message
...
In a Nikon photography list there was a thread about the proper
pronunciation of the name 'Nikon'. Someone posted the below and I thought
some of you might enjoy.
--
John L Rice


Euro English

Enjoy your English while you can..... The European Commission has just
announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of
the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year
phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make
words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze world!!

Ancient gag.

Shouldn't "world" be "vorld" here? Ja?

Thanks for the info. I figured it wasn't 'new'! ;-)

"mc" wrote in message
...
This is an adaptation of a piece written by George Bernard Shaw about 100
years ago. It was funny then, too

This being the Internet, however, I expect a vast number of people to fail
to see that it is a joke.

"John L Rice" wrote in message
...
In a Nikon photography list there was a thread about the proper
pronunciation of the name 'Nikon'. Someone posted the below and I thought
some of you might enjoy.
--
John L Rice


Euro English

Enjoy your English while you can..... The European Commission has just
announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of
the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year
phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make
words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze world!!

"John L Rice" wrote in message
...
Thanks for the info. I figured it wasn't 'new'! ;-)

A version of it was published as "Meihem in ce Klasrum" in an anthology of
scientific humor, "Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown".

Peace,
Paul

Joe Kesselman wrote:

Ancient gag.

Makes a lot of sense.
English spelling should be rationalised.

--
Dirk

The Consensus:-
The political party for the new millenium
http://www.theconsensus.org

"Dirk Bruere at Neopax" wrote in message
...
Joe Kesselman wrote:

Ancient gag.

Makes a lot of sense.
English spelling should be rationalised.

The reason it hasn't been is simple: You'd have to decide which dialect to
render. English is pronounced very differently in different parts of the
world.

Speakers of English have chosen to spell words in ways that show their
etymology rather than their pronunciation.

You might be able to get around that by thinking in terms of what linguists
sometimes call "archiphonemes" -- let "r" denote a place where some people
pronounce an R and others prolong a vowel, for instance.

If there were to be spelling reform, I would prefer to do it piecemeal,
dealing with individual words that are irregular. "Tough" and "rough" might
become "tuff" and "ruff." This makes the pronunciation clearer and does not
obscure any relationships between words.

About 100 years ago there was a move to change "through" to "thru," which I
think was misguided because we don't have any other common words ending
in -u, so it merely changed one unusual spelling into another. It should
have been "throo."

I would not change "psychology" to "sikoloji" or anything like that. That
would achieve nothing but to hide etymologies.

"Dirk Bruere at Neopax" wrote in message
...
Joe Kesselman wrote:

Ancient gag.

Makes a lot of sense.
English spelling should be rationalised.


Hej, if ju vontu si hau simpl Ingli¹ ken bi speld, ðast let mi nou. Ajd bi
hepi tu oblajð.

Predrag

Dirk Bruere at Neopax wrote in news:43i0krF1nk41uU1
@individual.net:

Joe Kesselman wrote:

Ancient gag.

Makes a lot of sense.
English spelling should be rationalised.

or rationalized.