Brother Horace the Lowdown wallows in the mud.

When all else fails, grasp for straws.

Or facts. Not surprising you can't tell the difference.

So let's count up your admirers, Clerkie: You've got a pedophile and
compulsive liar, a pseudonymous ****-eater who lives in his daddy's
basement at the age of 48, an envy-choked sewer cleaner who is a paragon of
pathos, and a grown man who's borderline illiterate and who gobbles six
dozen pills per day while drooling on his bib. Wow, that's impressive. Too
bad none of them can afford to buy your books. ;-)