[undertowslow]

There's a joke I've been dying to play on my best friend for a long
time. It involves talking to him by phone. I can't have anyone else
make the call for me, and the joke won't work if he recognizes my
voice or if I don't sound human. (It would be best if it were a
female voice, but I can probably work around that.)

I figured that it wouldn't be a problem finding a computer program
that works for this purpose, but I've tried a couple, and it's been
really disappointing. If I'm trying for a woman's voice I end up
sounding like an electronic chipmunk on helium, no matter what I do.
(Closest to human I can get is if I shoot for someone with terminal
laryngitis.) If I choose the male voice option I sound like a 20 foot
tall giant or worse.