If you're so professional, did you ever think of hiring a professional
sound crew?

Yeah, and we thought that paying them our entire paycheck, and
probably then some, was not the right approach.
Are you implying that if we don't have a professional sound "crew" we
aren't professional musicians or a professional band?
If you are, then you'd be wrong.
I may not have a ton of experience with setting up and running sound
in every situation possible, but I am a professional musician.
We were there on time and, to my amazement, found out that a club that
has live music on a regular basis wouldn't allow a sound-check.

Any competetent FOH guy shuld be able to set the basics by sight, and pull
the basic mix by half way through the first verse. And have the whole mix
ok by the end of the first song.

And that is our problem. We are probably competent in setting up our
rig and getting it to sound good, but only with a realistic sound
check. Our current sound-person, yes the drummer's girlfriend who is
busting her tail to help us out, is not yet experienced enough to mix
quickly from scratch.
Likely we would have only needed 30 minutes with me sitting at the
board and mixing/eqing individual instruments and then the night would
have been peachy-keen; but noooooooooo!

If the band is professional too, you
could consider giving him an easy time of it by starting out with, say, 4
bars of bass and drums, then have the gtr come in, etc - don't try to
start him off with 5 harmonies, 3 brass 2 keys 2 gtrs etc all in the intro
to your first number...

A very good idea.

And who is your manager? Is he another "professional" too - like your
drummer's girlfriend? Did he advance the show? Did he even mention
load-in/sound-check times with the venue when booking the gig?

Nope. The "manager" is the other guitarist's wife who has some sales
experience and has offered her time, and is also busting her ass.
Alas, we are a band of experienced musicians who regularly (read M-F)
work day jobs and can use all the help we can get.
This particular gig was aquired by her efforts in hounding a local
agent who asked us to fill in when he had a cancelation. We had about
24 hours notice and don't have the experience to anticipate all
eventualities; like sound-check, load out time...

[come to think of it, how many "professional" drummers do you know who
have their girlfriends come to the gig, let alone mess with the sound
desk?]

Again she offered her time and we, at present, don't have anyone to
sit and mix the sound.
You keep tossing this word "professional" around as like if we don't
adhere to your standards we aren't professional.
Perhaps you should use the word seasoned or experienced instead.
We are all seasoned players who have played in bands for years but
have not had the opportunity or the need to run the sound ourselves.
Now it's a must and we are learning how and are learning that it's way
more difficult than we expected.
In our defense we have yet to play a gig where we got a good
sound-check. I think that will solve most, if not all, of our
problems.
So, I must say that I take offense at the inference that we are
unprofessional just because we don't know everything that you do, or
that you think we should!

And did you say "most of the night"? You're lucky the venue management
didn't kick you off the stage after the first few songs. I'm betting
"professional" isn't one of the first words that comes to their minds when
remembering your performance that night.

Perhaps that shows you just how much of a "professional" band we are!
We were able to impress the audience (dance floor full the entire
night) and the management with something other than optimum sound
quality.
So put that in your "professional" pipe and smoke it!

ps. Denver is a nice place - I was there in '98. What's the name of this
"very swanky" club - is it new?

Damn right it is! Don't know how new the club is. It is called the
"cool river cafe" and it was chock full of yuppy types dressed in
their suits with their Cadilac Escalades and Beamers out in the
parking lot parked by the valet.
Fits the description of "swanky" in my book.

Thanks for your suggestions; I think.

Shawn