TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm.
An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
_______________________________________


FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells
back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and
pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting
at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her
head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She
then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at
the door."
_______________________________________


"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man
replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's
have a beer."
_______________________________________


WHAT A CHOICE


A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally
answered, "I'll take the soup."
_______________________________________


ROMANCE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said,
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting. "Wearily he reached
across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few
moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me. "Mildly irritated, he
reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck" Angrily, he
threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?", she
asked. "To get my teeth!"
_______________________________________


OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they
were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get
mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time,.but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least
three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How
soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________


SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate
77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!"
______________________________________


DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car , both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous At the next intersection, sure enough,
the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other
woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red
lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and
said, "Crap, am I driving?"

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

"Michael McKelvy" wrote in message
...
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm.
An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
_______________________________________

I've heard that for years as a drunk joke.

Robert Morein said:

"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

I've heard that for years as a drunk joke.

Little did you know it was cherished anecdote in the Mckelvy family.