[Eeyore]

Little Red Riding Hood - A Politically Correct Fairy Tale

by Jim Garner

There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her
mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take
a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house --
not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was
generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her
grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental
health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature
adult.

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of food through the woods.
Many people she knew believed that the forest was a foreboding and
dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was
confident...

On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf,
who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful
snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of
herself as a mature adult."

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to
walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the
extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an
outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your
own, entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my
way."

Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status
outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear,
Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's
house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course
of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid,
traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on
grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought
you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a
wise and nurturing matriarch."

From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might
see you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a
bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what a big nose you have -- only relatively, of course, and
certainly attractive in its own way."

"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The Wolf said, "I am happy with and what I am," and leaped out of bed.
He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red
Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the Wolf's apparent tendency
toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her
personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fuel
technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the
cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his
ax, Red Riding and the Wolf both stopped.

"And what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.

The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to
him.

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your
thinking for you!" she said. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume
that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's
help!"

When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of the
mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off. After
this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certain
commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household
based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the
woods happily ever after.

[[email protected]]

On Jan 25, 9:43*pm, Eeyore
wrote:
Little Red Riding Hood - A Politically Correct Fairy Tale

by Jim Garner

There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her
mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take
a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house --
not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was
generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her
grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental
health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature
adult.

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of food through the woods.
Many people she knew believed that the forest was a foreboding and
dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was
confident...

On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf,
who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful
snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of
herself as a mature adult."

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to
walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the
extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an
outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your
own, entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my
way."

Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status
outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear,
Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's
house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course
of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid,
traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on
grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought
you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a
wise and nurturing matriarch."

From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might
see you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a
bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what a big nose you have -- only relatively, of course, and
certainly attractive in its own way."

"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The Wolf said, "I am happy with and what I am," and leaped out of bed.
He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red
Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the Wolf's apparent tendency
toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her
personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fuel
technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the
cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his
ax, Red Riding and the Wolf both stopped.

"And what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.

The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to
him.

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your
thinking for you!" she said. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume
that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's
help!"

When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of the
mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off. After
this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certain
commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household
based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the
woods happily ever after.

Keep on trying. If you work hard you'll soon be as interesting as
Ludwig.
Ludovic Mirabel

[Clyde Slick]

On 26 Ian, 20:06, Bret Ludwig wrote:
When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of the
mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off. After
this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certain
commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household
based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the
woods happily ever after.

Keep on trying. If you work hard you'll soon be as interesting as
Ludwig.
Ludovic Mirabel

Doubtful.


Only because he does not enjoy torturing starlings.

[Clyde Slick]

On 26 Ian, 20:17, Bret Ludwig wrote:
On Jan 26, 7:11 pm, Clyde Slick wrote:



Only because he does not enjoy torturing starlings.

I don't enjoy torturing Mexicans either. I kill them whenever and
wherever possible in an honest effort to exterminate them from the
North American continent, where they don't belong, where they have no
natural enemies, and where they have displaced native species to an
unacceptable extent. I prefer to shoot them in the main body mass with
a high speed cartridge that causes massive explosive trauma and
therefore instant death.

Except for short bore life, the .220 Swift and related Mach IV rounds
are ideal in open country because the Mexicans almost disintegrate.
In more crowded areas, 9mm rimfire shot, or .22 RF with CB or BB caps
or a good air rifle are good choices.