I've found that to be a fairly common problem. Listen to the
argument over almost any traffic accident. Everyone insists it was
the other guy's fault. Sit in a court room some day as I recently did
(as a witness) in a DUI case. Every defendant has a story to tell
that explains his actions or denies them entirely. Of course, some
are truly innocent -- but all?!?

In RAO this argument is kinda flipped around. For years a number of people
have repeatedly claimed that I'm personally responsible for *everything*
that is wrong with RAO.

That's SOP with folks who like to carry flame wars. Fill the forum with
abuse and then blame the object of said abuse for what they've posted.
Fortunately, almost any visitor with a little common sense can see what's
happening right away.

It's the same story in USENET flame wars. Everyone insists
that the whole thing is the other guy's fault.

I've already offered to share some blame, but that's not good
enough for all of the RAO trolls....

If that is the case I suggest you simply filter them. I haven't seen a post
from Middius since I kill-filed him. Once in a while I see a post where
someone quotes and replies to him. Unless the post is of particular
interest I hit [f5] and it's gone in a flash.

They've said in so many words that they aren't going to
be happy until I not only abandon RAO, but also commit
suicide right away.

People who post that sort of trash get their jollies from watching you
respond. If you filter them most get really bored with the thing after a
while. Only the truly insane carry on a vendetta long after the object of
their vitriol stops responding. After a while their actions start to annoy
so many people that they become the outcasts.

Any number of specific means of suicide have been suggested
any number of times.

None of which means squat to you unless you let it. Who are these people
that you should even care what they say, let alone what they think? They're
obviously not a part of your real life or they would be more circumspect
about what they say.

I disagree with something you
or Dave says so I make a snide comment.

Well, there are several forms of suicide comment, of course.

Did you misread the above? I said "snide" not suicide. Ignore dummies and
concentrate on replying to serious queries. Life's too much fun to waste it
worrying about what some USENET troll suggests.

You take offense and crack right back.

Only when this gets repeated enough to irritate me.

If you filter them you won't see it. Then they're just shouting at the
wall. :^)

I don't like your reply and the war is on. Sometimes
the resulting flame fest lasts for years, effectively destroying a
newsgroup.

Welcome to RAO!

This is common to many newsgroups. There are lots of people who can't find
a vent for their anger and frustration in real life so they use the talk
tough where they feel safe in the relative anonymity of the Internet. It's
analogous to road rage. The difference is some character on a newsgroup
isn't driving a 2-tom Buick toward you. He's just plining away on a
keyboard in his bedroom.

Imagine what would happen if everyone just said, "Look, I don't agree
with your ideas but I was wrong to call you a [fill in the blank]. I
apologize for my part of the problem."

That's about as unlikely as things get on Usenet.

Sad, isn't it?

Those two simple words, "I'm
sorry," seem to be the hardest things for any of us (myself included)
to say. Why is that?

That's pretty well known to most of us I think.

Yup, but sometimes it bears repeating.

No flame here, Arny. I agree with a lot of what you say about audio
and I suspect you're a likeable guy in person. I disagree with you
about some of the personal taunts -- not that they're unprovoked but
that they're counter-productive.

Sure its counter productive, that's the whole point. The history
of RAO is that maybe 5-6 years ago it was a wild and wooly
place, but there were a fair number of intelligent discussions of
audio. At some point certain people became dissatisfied with
the direction things were going and decided to do everything
they could to force certain people away. Frankly I'm just
about the only person on their "hit list" that still stops by.

I know what you mean. The oly question for you is are you going to continue
to allow them to get to you or will you just filter them and enjoy chatting
with people who actually want to discuss audio?

I disagree with the others who
flame you for the same reasons. If you guys can ever decide to make
peace (hint: requires consumption of a significant portion of crow)
it will be a good thing. In the meantime I refuse to join the war.

I think that staying clear of RAO is a good thing to do, particularly
for people who aren't yet involved in any of its long term disputes.

I can go there, spot who is serious and who is just picking fights in one or
two minutes and set my filters one minute later. After that the newsgroup
is a pleasant, useful (though much quieter) place.