Robert Morein wrote:

"TonyP" wrote in message
. net...

Or... have you thought that the kid just wanted to do what the kid
wanted to do inspite of what you said?

Mostly, that happens when you give the child rules, but don't make him part
of your world. You have to teach your child by example, by how you conduct
your life. Too many parents keep their children at arms length. Let your
child feel your pain; feel your joy.

Everyone has to follow rules, whether they agree with them or not. And,
if you don't and are caught, there will be a price to pay. Of course,
you lead by example to your children. You can't say don't drink and
guzzle beer by the barrel in front of them. Still, children will test
the limits of their environment to see how much they can get away with.
That is where the rules and 'laws' come in. Break them, these are the
consequences. Quite simple.

As far as the type of corporal punishment, the object should be humilation.
When I hear people speak of wanting to "beat" their kid, this crosses the
line. This is teaching brutality. Sure, you may curb the current
misbehavior, but at a terrible cost later, at the core of your child's
misbehavior.

Really. Re-read the above reply to you. I never heard of a spanking that
didn't hurt.

A moderate spanking is not very painful. It is humiliating.

Sure. Moderate spanking. Humiliating to who, the child? I don't think so.

Usually, a child's misbehavior is a rebellion against the rules that
have been set in place. Break the rules, there are consequences (gee,
just like in real life!). If you know the consequences and are willing
the break the rules anyway, you bring upon *yourself* the punishment
that was clearly expressed before hand.

That is law, not parenting. As we progress from childhood to adulthood, we
enter a world that does run according to unfeeling statutes. If you commit a
crime, you are punished. However, such a system is not appropriate for
raising a child. Too many men think that childrearing is about setting rules
and demanding compliance. But they don't understand that the more important
part of parenting is nurturing.

We are not talking about nurturing. You act as if corporal punishment is
wrong. It isn't. There is a time and place for it.

Nurturing is not reserved for women. Nurturing means that you provide all
the emotional support and framework that helps your child grow. Nurturing
includes all kinds of positive reinforcement.

And punishment.

It's a shame that with all this talk of hitting and beating one's children,
no one has described what they do to nuture their child; to help him grow;
to help him develop positive attitudes, to make him feel good about himself,
and to make him feel part of the adult world as early as possible.

When you have reached the point of spanking, there will be nothing
"good" about it.

Personally, I was spanked exactly once, when I was four years old. However,
I was "punished" many times, while growing up, by sheer guilt at the various
shortfalls that all kids have in becoming adults. And my conscience grew
large, which is a tribute to my parents.

Mind did to. Knowing that my father would "kill" me kept me from doing a
lot of stupid things I would have done. Otherwise, I would have turned
out like a lot of the brats you see in the mall screaming at their
parents demanding this and that. All while the parent says "please stop
that. You are making a scene." Then the kid swings at the parent. Keeps
up the tantruming until they get what they want.
Glad parenting is as wonderful as you paint it to be....


And, the spanking made you into a deranged person.